Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
