Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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