Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
