Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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