u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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