dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
