why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
