we made out on top of his cat.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I smell like Dick and happiness
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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