I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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