fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Randomize
