i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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