I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize