M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize