The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
whose parrot is this?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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