4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
