That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
