Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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