This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
