I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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