I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
