I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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