Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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