Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
