my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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