Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
