i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
