I want to stick my p in your. b.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
