party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sobbing to NWA
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
