Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize