Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
