Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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