The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
