Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
