You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Fuck appropriateness.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
