So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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