just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize