Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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