woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you will always have a special place in my vag
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
