We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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