and you said cock pushups were impossible
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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