You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How external is "for external use only"?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize