If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
