yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
