He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
