Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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