She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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