she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
