i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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