ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
