This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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