i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
