You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
