I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
