What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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