I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
