dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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