One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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