I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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