our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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