i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
