I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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