i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
