i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
