I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize