I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
