Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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