I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
operation harelip BJ is a go
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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