Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
