I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
