you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
