I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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