I forgot how hot balto sounded
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
