He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize