so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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