I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
